I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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