i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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