my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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