Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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