she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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