Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
