bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
