OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
