I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
