between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
