so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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