I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
