If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
