so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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