I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
