You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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