whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
