Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I look better un-naked...

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.

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(432): View more from Texas

There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.

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(314): View more from Missouri

She went to her drug test stoned.

(636): View more from Missouri

And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..

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