Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
