She is in my trunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
