Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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