I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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