YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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