she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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