Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
