I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
