take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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