If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
