Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
