forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
