Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
