This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
