thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
