a search helicopter?!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
