Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
