My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
