yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
