my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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