Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
