i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
