So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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