Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
