New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
