It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
