Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
