You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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