This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
