Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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