you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me I should be a condom model.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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