with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
