Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
