Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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