Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
