nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
