I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
