Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
