Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
