ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
