Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
