there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just pee around me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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