i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
