my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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