I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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