not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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