gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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