when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
