I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
