I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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